Pride
by WilderCapall
Summary: Haruka discovers Rin's big secret when he starts looking for info on Samezuka's team. He's worried, but he's not about to show that he cares. Sharkbait, rated for language and sexual themes.


**Summary:** Haruka discovers Rin's big secret when he starts looking for info on Samezuka's team. He's worried, but he's not about to show that he cares. Sharkbait, rated M for language and sexual themes.

**Warning:** Confirmed Alternate Timeline by Episode 2. Heavily connected to other fics that can be found on AO3 because they are too smutty for this website.

**Pride**

"I don't take outside challengers," I say, and I manage to keep the shock out of my voice. I am cool, collected, arrogant.

"That's what you have to say to me?" Haruka asks coldly. "That's it?"

"That's it," I reply. "Get out."

Haruka looks at me, and I don't know what I see in his eyes. I sure hope it's not pity, because I don't take that shit. I don't need it.

"What are you even doing here?" I say with a hard edge in my voice. I don't want him here. He doesn't belong at Samezuka, and he certainly doesn't belong here _now_.

"I was hoping that I was right, that it was just a rumor and you wouldn't be here. That you weren't a – "

"A whore?" I interrupt with a smirk that I know doesn't reach my eyes.

"_Yes_," he hisses. "What the fuck happened, Rin? You're _selling_ yourself, and for what?"

"I'm stronger. Stronger than most of them, and a hell of a lot stronger than you. You're not even worth beating for the training. Get out before I call campus security."

I can't call security – no one's allowed at the pool at night, and I'd have to explain what I'm doing here – but Haruka doesn't know that. Of course, he might be stubborn enough not to care.

"Call them, then. I'll be back," he says flatly. "But until they get here, I'm going to get answers."

I roll my eyes and shoot a disdainful glare his way.

"I'm not hiding anything, but don't expect this to change."

"_Why_?"

"I told you, it's good training. I was pathetic when I got here. I thought you and I were the best of the best. I got to that damn clinic in Australia and learned I was fucking awful. Came back here, enrolled at Samezuka, learned I was even worse. And now? Now I'm stronger than most of them and all of you."

"But you let them – "

"_I_ started the rumors," I cut through his words. "I knew I had to train, and that the coach wouldn't give me more attention than she gave them. So I put out the news: 'Rin Matsuoka will let you fuck him if you beat him.'"

"You couldn't train on your own? You don't have to do this, Rin, you're _better_ than this."

"No motivation, no way to time myself."

"Get a fucking stopwatch."

"No one to hold it."

There isn't. I don't have friends, I never had friends. Before it was because I was too weak, now it's because I don't want them, and they only want me for the night.

"Rin, this is _disgusting_. You were better than this, you didn't have to sell yourself to get stronger, you – "

"Damn, when did you become such a prude?" I laugh.

"When did you become such a _whore_?" he demands.

"Last year," I say matter-of-factly. "I was a freshman the first time. Regretted it then, but I sure don't now."

"Last year." Haruka chokes on the words. "This has been going on for a _year_?"

"Yeah. And now I beat most of them."

"Most of them," he says darkly.

"I lose once in a while. I get away free most nights these days. And I take Sunday off."

Haruka looks like he can't decide whether to be disgusted or sad or angry. I'm hoping he lands on angry or disgusted, because those I can handle.

"Why are you even here?" I sigh. "I hope it's not just to lecture me. And you don't seem like you're interested in a challenge."

_Now_ he looks disgusted, and he shakes his head.

"Because someone needs to give a damn about you, and you certainly don't seem to."

"Someone did. He's gone."

That hurts to say. Kyosuke's been gone for a while now, and I know he's not coming back. He was the closest thing I had to a friend here, my first and only lover. He hasn't written recently. I wonder if he's found someone else.

"Someone _does_," Haruka interrupts my thoughts. "And he's _not_."

Something occurs to me, and for the first time, I'm scared.

"Do the others know?"

"No. You think I'd tell them about something like this? You want me to break Makoto's heart? You're lucky I looked you up before he did."

Makoto wouldn't be angry. Haruka's right; he'd be heartbroken, miserable. Not even disappointed in me, but in himself for letting it happen even though there's not a thing in the world he could have done.

"I don't… I don't want to hurt him. Haruka, please… don't tell him."

Haruka exhales sharply, and I know he's upset.

"You could stop."

"You think I don't know? But then I'd never be better than the few who can still beat me."

"Is winning all that matters to you?" he demands an answer.

"Yes."

Haruka turns around and starts to walk away.

"I'll be back," he says. "Think about what I've said."

I laugh, and it echoes.

"Fuck off."

* * *

He's back the next night. I'd be surprised if I didn't know what a stubborn ass he is.

"You're fucking up my schedule," I tell him.

Haruka stares stonily back at me.

"Good."

"So what's your business with Samezuka's whore tonight? More guilt trips, more yelling about how I'm better than this?"

"Rin… I don't know what to do."

"Don't try to save me. There's one thing."

"Why do you do it?" he whispers. "You could get stronger other ways, you could have stayed who you were…."

That hurts. Stayed who I was? I don't think I've really changed. Lifestyle, sure, but who I really am? That feels the same.

"It's not all bad, you know," I say, burying the pain. "Some of them are even nice. Wouldn't call them friends, but hell, I have fun on occasion. Not enough to let them win; I've got my pride."

"_Pride_?" Haruka stares at me like I've grown an extra head. "What pride? You've thrown that away just like you threw away your friends."

"I _never_ threw you away!" I break and start yelling. "You could have gone with me to Australia, you could have come with me to Samezuka!"

"You didn't ask," Haruka says, taken aback.

"Because I knew you wouldn't, because I knew you didn't care." My voice cracks. "And you never wrote, not one of you. Talk about confirmation."

"We didn't know," Haruka whispered. "We didn't know the address, we didn't know you went to Samezuka when you got home. You never told us…."

"It wouldn't have been fucking hard to find out, you know my mother!" I'm screaming now, letting out all of the frustration of the last year and a half, the pain, the betrayal. "I _loved_ you," I speak into hands pressed against my face, and it's little more than a whisper. "And you left me alone."

When I look up, Haruka is there, kneeling beside me. His eyes try to communicate what his stubborn mouth won't be able to.

Haruka touches my cheek, turns my head to face him, and he kisses me. He's better at it than I would have expected – Makoto's doing, I'd bet money – but I'm not thinking, because Haruka, that stubborn, emotionally crippled jackass, is kissing me. There's desperation in it, an attempt to communicate that I don't fully understand, but it's enough. He's sorry, he's guilt-ridden, he's hurt, and he just might love me.

**End**


End file.
